Really!? But it happened. Though some women seem to believe that is the case. He hides me as well as the other girl. But biology runs the show and grown adults know the game going in. Also, just food for thought, a lot of you are saying how horrible it is he wants nothing to do with his child but is willing to pay for itwould you say the same thing to someone who gave their kid up for adoption? Well, its possible that he didnt know her at all, but then after coitus he began to get to know her and things went downhill from there. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene. He says he cant stand her? Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. Reading your letter, you are far too immature to handle this. Two. Furthermore, dont tell me what to do with my body and I wont tell you what to do with yours, little girl. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. caitie_didnt Take it from me, every man screws up at some point. I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. bittergaymark I (28F) found out that my boyfriend (30M) is talking to another girl, just a day after we broke up (no proper closure). He slept with his ex-fiancee once, and now she's pregnant. It will never be equal. She didnt roofie him, Chuck. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. bittergaymark Model Mustang. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. Do you have a law to fix that? I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. Welcome to adulthood. But it also ought to be her responsibility. And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. I think the key is that the choice to abort doesnt result in an innocent child that still has needs to be met. It belongs to the child and the law is concerned with ensuring the best interests of the child above all else. honeybeenicki While I realize that this is a stressful situation, your letter indicates that you will always harbor resentment for this child and this woman who will be in you and your boyfriends lives FOREVER. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. Flexxie This is my first time posting on here but I really need some advice. Because she does not have the right to waive support for the child. Where exactly do you live? . Shed be less of a real woman if she left the kid on its fathers doorstep and went off footloose and fancy-free while he was left to raise it all alone. April 10, 2012, 5:35 pm. Man is in quotes becuase no man abandons a woman that he impregnates. You can get pregnant on birth control! Its a good word. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. However, I realize thats a pipe dream. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. You really have no idea what child support means. You don't say how long you have been together, but there's a reason that you broke up with him then. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. What happens when *she* gets pregnant and he still doesnt want to be a father? Are sued for child support. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. April 9, 2012, 9:37 am. April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. SpaceySteph I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? LOL What? Notwithstanding the fact that birth control sometimes fails, hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. It is my biggest pet peeve when a woman blames the other woman for her boyfriends stupid actions. Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. I dont think you have the maturity to deal with this sort of complexity so I would peace out for the sake of everyone involved, especially the baby. He must be a complete scumbag, because no one ever has sex without a condom unless they intend to have children or are scumbags. Thats true I figured there was enough speculation on dickish behavior Id just float a more tame scenario by. Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. Answer (1 of 60): I would drop kick him out the door. He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. I totally understand. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . . Its not a mystery. So, in other words, men should only have oral sex no, wait, not even that, because the STD risk remains but that women can have all the se they want, because they have the option of aborting a resulting pregnancy? Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. And it will need a mother and a father. Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. and now he must deal with those consequences. Nice try. iseeshiny thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. And sorry if this is harsh, but JESUS, I cant even be nice about this one. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. Like getting child support is easy. Pardon my French but if youre going to stick your dick into a stranger, you need to take birth control into your own hands and not rely on her word alone.
The carpenter asks his brother to impregnate his wife via IVF using the carpenters sperm. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? And do some growing up before you get involved with someone else. Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. Doesnt matter if the owner of cocacola sat down with you and discussed the possible risk of opening a bottle and what you would both do if something went wrong. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. Move on. 99% of women would not blame the other woman, baselessly accuse her of trying to trap her bf, be angry that someone she has no relationship with has chosen not have an abortion per their wishes, treat this woman as if she is solely responsible for child she only helped to conceive. Neither one of THEM created a child. You have to grow up and stop this childish immature desiring for a man who keeps you hanging around. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. If you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. I dont have a problem with that. You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. Once you decide to have sex you are basically saying that you realize pregnancy is a possibility. Her boyfriend has tripped over the third rail of reproductive rights, which is the question of mans obligations towards a woman who has become pregnant by deception. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. If a woman is raped and aborts a child, there is nothing to support. CONSTANTLY. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. Hold the phone. That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. React. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. So, to be clear, every woman who has had an abortion is, in your mind, an immature asshole. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. P.P.S.
John Rohan If the woman chooses to take on the responsibility of raising the child alone, she ought not have the right to force the indentured servitude (financial or otherwise) of the father against his stated wishes. Thank God for the real men. Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. Instead of re-commenting this in the 23 different places above where it applies, Ill say it here (again): Why is everyone assuming he didnt use a condom? Francine honeybeenicki never again! I mean, for starters, if I even had one unplanned baby while on the pill, Id probably not continue to use it. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! LW, what happens if YOU get pregnant? feelingroovy Stop going backwards. Both sexes suffer from inequalities in the reproductive process due to biology. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. SpaceySteph April 9, 2012, 9:55 am. I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. Solved. When I hit the ground, I jumped up, pulled the safety clip off the release assembly and slapped it. My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. 22. . My biological father, whom Ive never met, responsibly paid child support and didnt confuse me by dropping in and out of my life. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. What can you change? ColorsOfTheWind Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Who then supports the child that the man made? Um hello, hes 40 years old, he knows how babies are made. whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. My hand has never been comfortable in cooler weather ever since.. At a minimum LW needs to take a wait and see attitude. landygirl. While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. You know what bothers me, if the lady wasnt pregnant would he have told you of the affair? But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. Well, hey, point out the flaws in what I said, then. That wont solve anything.
In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. Its not yours to deal with. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. Personally, I think they should be given a one-time option to opt-out if the woman wants to keep the child and the man doesnt. Consider the consequences or dont. thus why I said troll label aside. They arent bad people because of it. Wether he likes it or not, shes keeping the baby. And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but . Theyre eating each other alive, and theyre doing it up hill both ways, in three feet of snow, with no shoes on! In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. But it is probably fair to say I hate the over-the-top modern feminism you appear to espouse. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. Then the unlikely happens. April 9, 2012, 10:00 pm, No, I actually think that of us effectively use condoms Most of the dumb idiots I know that knocked girls up all thought they were safe because they were told all was well, Im on the pill PS. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? It is time to take a hard honest look at yourself and why you really want to be in a relationship with a man that wants to be with someone else. For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. I think that it does, as most have pointed out, take two people to get pregnant. Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood.. PS. I wanted to be the one who had a baby with . He says he cant stand her? lets_be_honest That pretty much sums it up for me. Move forward with your life.
Furthermore, men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement, even though consensual sex involves both people equally. Nothing in the story suggests that the guy in question was, as you put it, indiscriminate in partner choice and/or birth control. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. However, I dont think it sounds like hes ready or willing to settle down with either woman. Youre right, it could be unenforceable. Exactly. Thats nature, Tim. I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. bittergaymark By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. thats just dumb. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? April 9, 2012, 8:26 pm. ele4phant I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them. I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. And, yes, he should be taking precautions against STDs because even if he never gets back with the LW, is he going to remain celibate for the rest of his life? Okay so what if the LW is not pro choice. Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): A
lets_be_honest She still doesnt get it, but we tried. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! Were looking at this situation through the eyes of his ex whos pissed off that he knocked up this other woman but seems pretty bound and determined to get back with him. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion.
The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. Hes probably the worlds most prolific internet commenter. I mean, hey, we certainly couldnt be any more careless or reckless with this precious gift than women keep on proving to be, landygirl Remember we are hearing all this second or third hand. Im happy to have found a father in my father-in-law, who has really become the dad I never had in that he loves me, supports me, listens to me, and even spoils me, haha! April 10, 2012, 10:28 am. lets_be_honest I really only mean exactly what I said. It is legal. Theres a fun scenario. However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. I never really got over him and he never got over me. April 10, 2012, 10:14 pm, if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. Well, maybe not your life, but your happiness and security do depend on it. You bolster my case by agreeing that he can share responsibility with the mother or simply provide support but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. Bless your heart. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). He could be the a killer robot. Maybe because she wants something to love. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. End of story. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. Womans body, womans choice, womans child, NEVER is it the mans child. But still. He does have the right to change his mind about how involved hed like to be. You dont want his problems. I have a friend in somewhat related situation. I get owning up to your responsibilities in an unwanted pregnancy, but you cant really think that is going through every non-idiot males mind when he gets ready to have sex. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. You cant live without food. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. If a pregnancy results after you do the very thing you know can cause pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself and whining about your lack of choices or the burden of what you must now do is unproductive and frankly, a little too late. Um, I dont think anyone actually said that. BTW, believe it or not, I usually agree with the majority of the commenters here. Think of the children. Its very unfair. Its the law. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. Deal with it, ladies. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. No, then I would say she is just stupid. Seriously. Women have complete reproductive autonomy, but as far as I know it is impossible to become impregnated without a man somewhere in the equation. -Got her pregnant Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. April 9, 2012, 9:20 am. Cant say Id give one to a stranger but intercourse with a stranger isnt my cup of tea either. You should be furious with him and dump his ass! I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. Coke bottle explodes taking off your arm = coke pays. The fact that you can find examples of a law being broken doesnt make the law just or valid. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. I could hypothesize all day and comment on all kinds of things that might be happening but theres enough crap in this letter that it hardly seems necessary to make any up. Any advice for me?Signed, AnonymousDear Sis,News Flash: This man is not and has never been your man. April 10, 2012, 9:46 pm. Oh no! What you would do in her situation is irrelevant. Men will never have to make that choice. Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. Yes, its true it is past the point. Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. WTF!!! The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. April 9, 2012, 2:45 pm. Share your opinions and thoughts below! Bow out gracefully and give him the space he doesnt know he needs to get his life together. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. For all the reasons stated in the comments, women just cannot be forced into motherhood quite like a man can be forced into fatherhood. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. When he chose to bust a nut in a stranger he took on that risk. When I was young, but old enough to ask, my mom always told me that my biological father just wasnt ready to be a daddy. Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! kerrycontrary And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! I dont know what to think or believe. April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. Give him another chance. or if shes just done too many drugs or something and her brain is rotting away. Men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement. Pardon me, butare you fucking KIDDING me?! If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. And he took on the consequences. The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. Scummy is the wrong word to use. Whether or not she trapped him is irrelevant, in my opinion. I think you handled your situation in the best way possible.
and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. Well, ok. She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. I mean, he loved the baby mama enough to get erected & to bang her & to just release evrything to make her pregnant, & what the fuck am I thinking?!?!? Temperance Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. If it were me, Id stay FAR away from someone as seemingly immature and callous as your exand Id get myself to therapy to deal with my OWN immaturity and callousness. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have.
April 10, 2012, 8:46 am, he does not have the option to opt out entirely.